fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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