My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's paper in my vomit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
