shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
