At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
