there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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