Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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