Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
