I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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