And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
