my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
