So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
third nipple confirmed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
