I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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