I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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