i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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