I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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