I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
