My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...