I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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