I wish my penis had an off switch
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Worst way to find out I have a half sister