I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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