Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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