My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My penis needs a shock collar
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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