but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
