i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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