The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
