My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
