The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
