I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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