A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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