Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
