He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
