doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
