You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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