there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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