woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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