i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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