i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
