I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
