I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
