booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
