i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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