It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
