But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
