Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
