i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
