Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
