what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
