I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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