Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My balls are so social today.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
