I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
