she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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