I could have mohawked her pubes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
