i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
