I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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