I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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