just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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