Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize