I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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