wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
