Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
