I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
BRING THE BAGELS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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