i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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