I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
