He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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