I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
