he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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