Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
