Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
