she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
