I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
